I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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