He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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