did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
