It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
