Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
