ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
