sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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