I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Vodka?
Forever.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
