What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
