Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize