i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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