I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
A+ Viking dick
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
