If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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