He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
