Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Are we still banned from the library?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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