Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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