I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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