Who did Billy Mays play for?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
