so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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