How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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