now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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