Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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