and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
