Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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