So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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