Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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