Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
