Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
