guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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