remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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