what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
