U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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