dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
