Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
