she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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