okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm eating all of the evidence.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
