1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
