I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
