Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I am one with the molecules
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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