Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
