Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
