im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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