it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
