Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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