i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
