He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
