Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
