White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
