i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
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Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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