i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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