i would punch a child for taco bell
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
Itβs like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
