in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
