Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
