What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
