I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
