Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
