I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
