not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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