sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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