Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
