I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
