yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
