i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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