he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
