im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
